I thought maybe I could escape them this time around. Oh no, my friend. Leg cramps are back with a vengence. I woke up yesterday morning and was laughing and screaming at the same time. Because what are you supposed to do when you get a leg cramp? Straighten out our leg and pull your toes up? Well, I can't REACH my toes with my leg straight. And Jack was asleep int he other bedroom (trying to spare me his snoring). So I'm writhing around on the bed trying to figure out how to pull my toes up and straighten/massage my leg at the same time. Oh, the horror. And the hilarity, really... But seriously, my leg still hurts today. Charlie Horses are the WORST! I need some bananas - STAT.

But at least the weather has broken, for now, of the ridiculously hot and humid high 90 degree temps. I move slow nowadays, but it's even worse in this hot soup of a summer. NOT TO MENTION that babygirl is still doing what feels like sommersaults. I seriously wonder if there such a thing as too much movement for a baby in utero. My collegues are getting a kick out of seeing my belly move like an undulating beachball, but I've had enough hiccups at 3am to last me for a while (hers, not mine).

But let me talk about Ava for a minute. The girl is growing up before my very eyes. It's amazing and scary, and makes me realize how fast time flies. She has gone from somwhat disinterestly playing with her toys to full-on imagination hijinx with anything that has a plastic torso and fake hair. And singing entire songs that she's learning at daycare! I have to learn these songs. It makes me tear up just thinking about her sweet voice singing something about "The big mama duck says quack, quack, quack..." (of course, she could be singing about me, since I do tend to waddle these days)

She is so full of intense emotion about EVERYTHING, these days too. I hope I am doing right by her. And that we handling introducing her baby sister into her world in a way that is not too disruptive. Although, to be honest, I know she will be fine. All kids adjust. But for all her sassiness, rebellion, and stubborness, all she wants is to be loved by everyone. She is the sweetest, even when she's driving me crazy. To hear a 3 year old say "But I can't sleep because I NEED you, for the 400th time at 9:30 at night, is enough to put a pregnant lady over the edge. But really - who doesn't want to be needed? And who doesn't love it that at least at this age, your daughter isn't afraid to tell you.

Finally! I finally feel relieved and confident that this pregnancy is on track. I had an ultrasound yesterday and they confirmed that my placenta is out of the way, which means: no need to schedule a Cesarian! Two good things about the ultrasound appointment: 1) Becky, the ultrasound tech, was so nice, and asked if I had any good pictures of the baby yet. I told her that no, the little bugger had been quite shy at the other two ultrasounds I'd had, and all I really had a good picture of was her foot. Becky laughed and said she would try her best. And she did! She had me lay on my side, switch sides, jiggled my belly, and even started talking to the babe to try and get her to show us her face. In the end, it worked. She got a couple good profile shots, some straight-on shots, and even a decent "3-D" pic. Normally I don't like those, but in this one, it sort of looks like miss thing is grinning a little. Like.. ha, ha, mom - just kidding, here I am! :)
 
The funny thing was, even before we did the 3-D one, Becky said - "oh my, she's got a lot of hair already!" I guess I shouldn't be suprised. And it's kind of cool knowing they can see that already. And she's got Ava's (aka JACK's) cheeks, it looks like. Even Becky commented on how big they looked. She's head down, and about 5 lbs already. The doc came in after Becky was done and said she'll gain probably 1/4-1/2 lb each week until I deliver. So... that will put her right around 8 lbs, same as Ava.

Second good thing about the appointment: the doctor. He made my day by saying that by all accounts this was a picture perfect pregnancy, and that I should have no trouble having a vaginal delivery - IF THAT'S WHAT I WANTED. I loved that he put it that way! No assumptions, up to me.

It's been slightly weird, this pregnancy. Being used to seeing just one doctor with Ava, I guess I haven't really felt like I've been "taken care of" the way that I was with her. But since I've switched to the new practice, every encounter has made me just a little more relaxed, a little more at east with the entire process. I know people might think - well, you've been through this before - what's the problem? But here's the thing - while it's awesome (and by awesome I mean awe-inspiring) being pregnant and growing a little life inside of you, it's also rather scary. And I feel the most vulnerable when I'm pregnant. Perhaps out of sense of fear of the unknown, or perhaps it's the heavy sense of responsibility for this unborn life I'm carrying around. That, and trying to juggle a preschooler, work, and home - well, every mom knows how all that can add uncertainly and trepidation - especially when you're trying to get it all "right".

But. I'm starting to feel better. And I still have plently of good and confident moments, too. I had one the other day with Ava, as we were napping. She has recently begun to get a little clingly, and when I'm tired at her naptime on the weekends, I'll sometimes give in to having her come into bed with me. On this particular day, we had been in the pool and were both sunswept and tired. She fell asleep in no time, and as I watched her little angle face in dreamland, I had a flashback to when she was an infant and took naps with me in the same way. She had the same look on her face as she did then, and I thought - hey, I can do this again. It was a little moment, but it brought me some peace.

And speaking of moments, I had a slightly surreal one with the peanut last night. She likes to move - a LOT. My stomach sometimes looks like a wave pool. But last night, my bellybutton was being poked from the inside. It went from being an "innie" to an "outie" about 3 times before she got settled into whatever position she was tying to get it. It was a weird feeling, but it looked even weirder. I wish I couldn've gotten a video of it. Mostly just to freak people out. :)

Next up... touring the hospital and hiring a doula!

Peace out.

My Mother first introduced me to this poem when I was in high school. I'm not sure she understood the effect it's words would have on one so young and impressionable, but it has had lasting effects. It sums up perfectly my view of the world, of what it means to live rightly, justly, honestly, and even joyfully. I love you mom. Thank you for trusting that even as a teen I might be able to grasp a deeper meaning through these words.

So to my girls, my husband, my friends, my family, and everyone else, please remember to:

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may
be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all
persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the
dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If
you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always
there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your
own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of
time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of
trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons
strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about
love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as
the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things
of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do
not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child
of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be
here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding
as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep
peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is
still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

 -Max Ehrmann